I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
