I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
