apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
