Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
