Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
