Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He? As in you personified your dick?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
