Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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