I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
