just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize