I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
