I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize