turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
