I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
