oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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