They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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