what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
