I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
