I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
