Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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