The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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