The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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