I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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