go do what you do best...puke behind churches
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
