Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
