now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
