Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
