Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
