We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
