She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize