corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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