You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
