Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
