Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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