he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
