She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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