i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
