I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
