Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize