Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
