Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
