on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
