I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
