Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize