Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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