I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
