I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Green mimosas i think yes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
