Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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