you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
