: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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