Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize