I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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