I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
