if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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