you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
