He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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