she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
