I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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