yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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