we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
