I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
