Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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