Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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