i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
