After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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