final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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