My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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