This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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