OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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